


Hostage situation

by Poteto



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Humor, Gen, It's all in good fun though, Kidnapping, the whole family has one brain cell and they left it with Barbara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:48:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24824098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poteto/pseuds/Poteto
Summary: Bruce Wayne was kidnapped by unusual criminals and it's up to his children to get him back safe.If they can stop laughing at him for one second, that is.
Relationships: Batfamily Members & Bruce Wayne
Comments: 14
Kudos: 402





	Hostage situation

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to be honest: I forgot this was supposed to be a Pride piece until I finished writing. I was so excited about the Batfamily that I just... forgot. To make up for that, here's my official headcanons:
> 
> \- Bruce is asexual and ofc WE supports several LGBTQIA+ charities.  
> \- Dick and Babs are pansexual.  
> \- Jason and Steph are bisexual  
> \- Cass, Tim and Duke are asexual because they are my faves.  
> \- Also Duke is a transboy and Cass is nb.  
> \- Damian is still too young to know for sure, but his first crushes certainly don't take gender into consideration.  
> These are all canon in this story and there is nothing you can do about it.

It isn’t the first time Bruce Wayne had been kidnapped. It certainly won’t be the last. 

But for sure it’s the most jarring kidnapping experience he’d ever had. 

He was in the middle of a charity gala when he was taken, which is upsetting because he was really invested in the cause this time. Alas. Bruce wakes up in a dark room, something for which he’s grateful, because he might have a mild concussion. He had been tied to a chair and left on the corner of what seems like an abandoned warehouse - unfortunately, Gotham is littered with those - and he can barely see the silhouettes of a group of people on the opposite side of the empty place. Bruce’s captors.

Bruce takes a deep breath and tries to access the situation in a calm manner. The ropes keeping him in place feel… cheap. Like those plastic ropes children use to play. He could possibly just slip out of the bound since no one bothered to tie up his feet. The knot restraining his wrists is uncomfortably tight, however. There is a gag in his mouth. There are at least 5 goons watching him, but they’re smart enough to keep their distance so Bruce can’t make a lot of details about them. 

That being said, it feels almost too easy to escape. He wouldn’t even raise suspicion about his secret identity if he did… which means there must be some sort of catch. Bruce wants to make his escape as simple as possible, so it’s best if he figures out what are their tricks before attempting anything

He knows for sure they’re not dressed as clowns, so this can’t be the Joker’s doing. They don’t seem to be dressed as old-time gangsters, so no Two-Face either…

Unexpectedly, a voice in his right ear interrupts his musings. “I have eyes on him. He’s conscious and tied up. Oracle is checking the building for traps.”

It’s Tim. First comes the relief that Tim has found him. He won’t have to do anything to compromise Bruce Wayne’s identity. Then comes the realization that these people had him unconscious long enough to take him from his own party and they didn’t notice the earpiece he always has to communicate with his family in case the need arises. 

Could it be that this is a trap for the bats? Maybe Bruce’s identity has already been compromised and his captors are using him as bait? The thought disturbs him and he wishes he could warn Tim somehow. 

Then a second voice joins Tim’s and Bruce’s worry spikes.

“Am I crazy or is he tied with one of those jump rope toy thingies?” Jason asks.

“Looks like it,” Tim says evenly. 

“That’s hilarious.”

“Hood, our dad has been taken hostage. Be serious.”

“I am! The thing is at least one of us is kidnapped every week. At some point you get used to it. Anyway... seriously, this looks like a cartoon. I almost expect him to just… slip out of that chair like he’s Bugs Bunny or something.”

Tim snorts and Bruce sighs. He really wished Tim would notice how strange it is that he’s so losely guarded, but, honestly, his hope was lost the instant he heard Jason’s voice. Tim is the smartest boy Bruce knows and Jason has the best instincts, but when the two of them get together it’s as if their intelligences cancel one another out. What was it that Steph said that one time? _When Tim and Jay team up they drop all of the brain cells._

"Wait," Tim says. "Look at his face. That's tired #7. I think… I think he can hear us."

"No way, man… they can't be that stupid. There's no way they're dumb enough to leave a whole earpiece unnoticed."

If only.

"Bruce? Bruce, if you can hear us, blink twice."

Bruce sighs again… and blinks twice.

The two boys explode in laughter and Bruce honestly hopes they're seeing him through a camera feed, because they are _very_ loud.

On one hand he's happy that Jason and Tim are finally getting along. 

He just wishes they bonded over literally anything other than making fun of other people.

"Oh man-" Tim stutters and Bruce can imagine him wiping tears of laughter as he tries to control himself. He can still hear Jason snickering on the background. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Bruce. It's just... those kidnappers are _so bad_ ! How are they this bad? How did they _get you?"_ Then, after a brief pause. "I mean, we're not laughing at _you._ "

"I am," Jason says cheerfully. 

There is the distinct noise of someone slapping what sounds like the back of Red Hood's helmet.

“Behave, you two!” Another voice joins the frequency. 

Dick. Thank God. The only person that can control Jason and Tim is Dick. If Dick is the one leading the mission, this should be over soon.

“B, sorry this is taking so long,” Dick continues. “Babs is scanning the building again because she didn’t find any of the traps at first. There is a chance their security system is analog or something.”

“Tsc,” and there is a fourth familiar voice now. “We should just storm in and remove father from this humiliating situation at once.”

 _Oh no_. Oh no, it’s Damian. Damian is Dick’s kryptonite. If he’s involved, Dick will have his hands full and there will be no one to stop Jason and Tim from just… blowing the place up for the hell of it.

Bruce doesn’t know from what angle his sons can see him, but he attempts to sign something. His bound hands are numb, so no sign comes naturally, but he tries nonetheless. 

“Girls, girls, look at that.” And there’s Steph. Great. What this situation needed was another chaos maker. “He’s saying… Hm… Who... work? Bruce is signing something about work.”

Never mind. Steph gets to cause chaos once because she is the only child considerate enough to notice Bruce’s feeble attempts at communication. 

“Maybe he wants us to figure out who these guys work for?” Tim suggests. “I mean, knowing the M.O. would make it easier to figure out their security.”

“Penguin is in Arkham, but maybe these are loyal followers?” Dick comments.

“Negative. This place is nowhere near as damp and nasty as Cobblepot’s usual dwellings.”

The boys start discussing possible villains, their usual traps and how to overcome them. Bruce is glad they’re covering all the possibilities, as one would expect from a bat. They must always be ready for anything. That being said… they don’t seem to hear it when Steph hisses “ _Cass, what are you doing?”_

Before Bruce can react, a shadow drops from the ceiling. She doesn’t make any noise as she gracefully lands in front of him. His eyes widen in panic and he glances at his kidnappers on the other side of the warehouse. None of them seems aware that there is a bat in their lair. 

Cass gives Bruce a soft smile and signs the word _uncomfortable_ before going behind him and loosening the bound on his wrists. She gently massages Bruce’s numb fingers as though making sure his circulation will return to normal soon enough. When he can barely feel himself restrained, she seems satisfied with her work. She cards her fingers through his hair as if encouraging him. After planting a kiss to his forehead, Cass disappears the same way she appeared with only a slight breeze. 

Her brothers have stopped bickering.

“Did Cass just-”

“Hey guys,” Duke’s voice interrupts. “I just heard the kidnappers talking. Turns out they didn’t mean to kidnap Bruce. They were trying to rob the building, Bruce walked into them so they panicked and knocked him out. Now they’re freaking out because they don’t know what to do with him.”

Silence follows.

“So the reason Oracle can’t find any traps…”

“It’s probably because they don’t have any traps.”

More silence.

Batman prides himself in being prepared for anything. Bruce has well-crafted scripts for any possible situation… except for this one. All he can do in this situation is use his recently freed hands to facepalm.

“This is it. We have no viable option but to kill them.”

“ROBIN, NO--”

All in all, it’s a mess. Considering one of the kidnappers promptly passes out when Nightwing drops in front of them, the rescue mission definitely feels like overkill. Clark once said Bruce has too many children and he thought that was a stupid thing to say until he found himself in a situation where his children outnumbered the gang that kidnapped him. It barely counts as a fight as Stephanie and Jason alone immobilize the criminals - granted, Cass was busy holding back Damian, Tim was busy laughing, Dick was busy checking the vitals of the woman that passed out at his sight and Duke was busy getting rid of the rest of Bruce’s restraints. 

“What were you thinking?” Dick asks the criminals. “You guys aren’t even wearing ski masks, for heck’s sake.”

“We just needed the cash, okay?” One of them responds miserably glancing at his friends that are currently being cuffed by Steph. “We didn’t expect to run into the owner of the building.”

“And you guys were just… pulling a heist barefaced like that?” Duke questions.

“Look, we’re new in town. We left Metropolis, because how does one survive there? They have Superman! Plus we didn’t think Batman was real…”

At that, Tim starts laughing so hard Jason has to hold him to keep him from falling over.

“Dude!” Steph throws her hands up. “If you guys want to be criminals in Gotham, you gotta add some pzazz! Throw in some themed costumes, I don’t know…”

“ _Batgirl_ ,” Bruce chastises and his voice might be still a bit raw from the gag, but he can still sound like a stern father. “We do not condone crime.”

“You’re right, we don’t. … But if you’re going to do crime anyway-”

“Look, we’re just trying to get by, okay?” A woman cuts in. “Our shelter got defunded and it’s hard to get a job when you don’t have an address!”

All of the kids are suddenly both uncomfortable. These are not the criminals they usually deal with, no real harm was done and none of them are truly happy about taking these people to jail.

This, however, is a situation Bruce has a script for.

“I’m sorry to hear about your predicament,” he says, pulling a business card from his pocket. “Here. Wayne Enterprises has a support program for people in situations such as yours and we’re always looking for new employees. Lots of people leave Gotham.”

Behind him, some of his children groan and Jason hisses something about _not adopting these ones too,_ but Bruce simply ignores them. 

After all, this wasn’t that unusual of a night for all of them.


End file.
